Saturday, March 15, 2014

I'm really okay

I knew after a couple of weeks I would be okay. And I was right.
I'm sorry for the depressing post before but those were my feelings. After getting over them and letting go of a couple of things that were needed to be gone for me to happy, I feel very okay.

It goes to show that if you are homesick, you just need time to adjust and I feel like I'm very good at adjusting!

I fall more in love with the kids every passing day. The way they hug me, hold my hand, give me kisses goodnight, makes me feel so great and happy. Getting a cheesy smile from a 17 month old always brightens my day and I get that every single day (I also get her poops, her crying when she won't go to sleep, and her snotty nose I have to wipe every 10 minutes, but that's beside the point).
Also finding see through leaves on our walk home from kindergarten is fun too

My host family is so much fun and so friendly. I really lucked out. They do things like game nights where I almost beat Ezechiel in Ticket to Ride and cheese nights. Ezechiel takes us through France via cheese where you sometimes enjoy your interesting piece of cheese or you sometimes gag on a piece that makes you and the missionaries laugh so hard you can't stop and have the smell stick in your nose for an hour afterwards. I'm very comfortable and happy with them.

I live in adorable village that's not bustling and the bakery is only open until 4 pm (with a two hour lunch break). It's green everywhere and the people, although I can't understand them yet, are very nice.

I had the opportunity to go do baptisms at the Frankfurt temple. I went with a bunch of relief society sisters and we ended up at Chipotle afterwards. Don't even care.

I spend my (very little) free time watching regency period films, eating belgian chocolate, and planning my future adventures.
I think my goal will be a destination every month.
This month: Poland.

Saturday, March 1, 2014


I've made it.

I'm here in this place called Deutschland. I can't say that it's been amazing so far because, I'll be super honest, it hasn't been. It's a serious adjustment and the few and far in between times that I get to myself I stop and think, why did I do this? Why did I decide to do this? I made a mistake. I should be home.
I can't say I'm adjusted at all and that I'm having a fantastic time here. I hope I will be able to say that later on though. And I hope there's a reason I'm here because right now, I don't see it.

People called me brave when I told them about my adventure. I'm not brave. The fact that I'm tearing up as I write this post, proves that I'm not. I'm really just scared. I'm scared to grow up, I'm scared to become attached to anybody again, I'm scared to finish school. I ran away. The hardest part is, no matter how badly I want to, I can't go back. And won't be able to for such a long time.
I thought nothing was keeping me at home and there was no reason I should stay but the week before I left, I was proved completely wrong. But by then it was too late.
I'm sorry for the depressive state I'm in. I hope I shake it off soon.

On the plus side, I do live in a pretty beautiful place. And the times when Zoe looks at me and tells me I'm pretty, makes me feel like I can do this.